Paul is wanting to move. I am not so sure. It's not that I don't want a new place. I very much do. I would love to move to a better place. I am just not sure right now is a good time. I am so nervous about everything going on in the world that I am afraid to move and then not be able to afford our new place. Our current place is this strange area where you feel like you are on the edge of city and county. On one side is a busy parkway, behind that is county and country,. On the other side is several shopping centers, gas stations, and restaurants. Behind us is a neighborhood and park. But you don't really notice it. Then there was the recent manhunt that happened in our neighborhood. A man at a nearby hotel, shot someone and then ran through our apartment complex to get away. That was nerve racking, to say the least. Our landlord doesn't seem interested in taking care of the properties either. He mows, and everything, but no picks things up and you get the impression...
I have lost my Joie de vivre. I don't seem to feel anything for most part. I don't feel happy, sad, or even angry. I just feel blank. I feel like I am just walking in this world, not really connecting to it anymore. I love my friends and family of course. I just feel like I can't give them what they deserve. I feel out of sorts. I think this started sometime this year. When covid hit, I started paying attention to the news. I started to realize things are like I had thought they were. In many ways my beliefs changed. It was a jolt to the system. I now have a completely different outlook about the world, and it has taken some getting use to. Now I have had a few enjoyments. I recently saw Cruella, and loved it. (not for kids, though) Also making the picture above, I enjoyed. Now that opens another kettle of fish. I use to be addicted to second life. At one time it was an escape. I was lonely and I hated my life. So it was very easy to dive head first in it. I am ...
Every year I make some post on how this year is going to be different. I list out my goals and make a declaration of how the year is going to be. ***spoiler alert*** My year never turns out like I plan it. One of my biggest problems is that I spend to much time talking and thinking about what I want and not any time doing anything about it. So this year I am not going to make any resolutions or declarations. For now on, I will only talk about what I did and am currently doing. I have read that if you talk about doing something before hand your brain thinks you already did it and loses the motivation to actually do it. I am however going to talk about my dreams and Hope's. My personal Hope's and dreams to have a wonderful year. I hope to become a happier and more sociable person. I hope to truly live. I have always been sort of a hermit, not really partaking in life. Now at 47, I am not even sure where to begin to live. But I will definitely be giving it my all.
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